This is going to be another comparatively-short one.
Today I’m focusing on part of another step in those family property/estate/whatever arrangements I mentioned last week.
Or, rather, on something that came up during the process.
But first, a little background.
I wasn’t a Catholic when my wife and I got married. That added a few steps, mainly involving making sure that I understood what being married meant.1
The priest we talked to asked me — it’s been decades, so this is a heavy paraphrase.
He asked me if I thought marriage was exclusive and permanent.
To me, it sounded like a trick question. I figured that when I married her, we’d be married: until one or the other or both died, and that while we were married I wouldn’t act as if I was a husband/boyfriend/whatever with anyone else.
Turns out that the question was just what it sounded like. I explained, briefly for me, that I thought being married was being married: that I’d be exclusively and permanently my wife’s husband.
Fast-forward several decades. My wife and I are still married, and I still think being married means being married. That’s no virtue on my part. From my viewpoint, it just makes sense.
Priorities
This week, the law firm that’s writing the document(s) needed for those arrangements sent us an “estate planning engagement agreement”. One paragraph started like this:
“…Dual Representation. Married spouses may, at times, have different heeds, objectives and interests for their estate plans. As a result, there may be a conflict of interest in our firm representing both of you….”
Okay, I get it. Being married doesn’t guarantee being on the same page with finances, which flavor of ice cream is best, or anything else.
But with something like this, if spouses don’t agree on how their family’s finances should work — their first job is figuring out what will work, and then getting the documents drawn up.
And if they can’t figure out how that part of their lives should work, they’ve got a bigger job: getting to a point where they can agree.
Books could be and have been written about this, but I’m calling it a day.
Somewhat-related posts:
- “Our Vocational Calling” Guest post: Fr. Mark Botzet (June 20, 2026)
- “Polygamy, Adultery, and Polyamory (still) Prohibited” (November 25, 2025)
- “COVID-19, Mass and Marriage: It’s Not All About Me” (March 16, 2021)
- “‘Renewed and Expansive Hope’” (June 18, 2017)
Catholic marriage, a little background:
- USCCB (United States Conference of Catholic Bishops)
- Matrimony
- Wedding Ceremony
Marriage and Family Life Ministries - Love Beyond Words
One-Week Retreat for Married Couples, National Marriage Week (2024) - Celebrating the Rite of Marriage
Most Reverend Ronald P. Herzog, Bishop of Alexandria, Catechetical Sunday (September 19, 2010)
- Family, Marriage and ‘De Facto’ Unions
PONTIFICAL COUNCIL FOR THE FAMILY, Pontifical Council for the Family, Vatican/Holy See (2000) - Marriage
Archdiocese of New York
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You certainly are loyal to your wife, Mister Gill. And that talk about lawyering marriage has me remembering how taking problems to court or such should be the last resort.
🙂 It’s the only logical option. 😉
About lawyering: agreed. What we’re trying to do is get a legal agreement which works within the system we have here — and is a close match to how this family actually works. So far, it coming along more smoothly than I had feared/expected.
Praise and thanks be to God very much again, indeed! And may God give your family more fun and worthwhile times, Mister Gill!