Married is Married

This is going to be another comparatively-short one.

Today I’m focusing on part of another step in those family property/estate/whatever arrangements I mentioned last week.

Or, rather, on something that came up during the process.

But first, a little background.

I wasn’t a Catholic when my wife and I got married. That added a few steps, mainly involving making sure that I understood what being married meant.¹

The priest we talked to asked me — it’s been decades, so this is a heavy paraphrase.

He asked me if I thought marriage was exclusive and permanent.

To me, it sounded like a trick question. I figured that when I married her, we’d be married: until one or the other or both died, and that while we were married I wouldn’t act as if I was a husband/boyfriend/whatever with anyone else.

Turns out that the question was just what it sounded like. I explained, briefly for me, that I thought being married was being married: that I’d be exclusively and permanently my wife’s husband.

Fast-forward several decades. My wife and I are still married, and I still think being married means being married. That’s no virtue on my part. From my viewpoint, it just makes sense.

Priorities

This week, the law firm that’s writing the document(s) needed for those arrangements sent us an “estate planning engagement agreement”. One paragraph started like this:

“…Dual Representation. Married spouses may, at times, have different heeds, objectives and interests for their estate plans. As a result, there may be a conflict of interest in our firm representing both of you….”

Okay, I get it. Being married doesn’t guarantee being on the same page with finances, which flavor of ice cream is best, or anything else.

But with something like this, if spouses don’t agree on how their family’s finances should work — their first job is figuring out what will work, and then getting the documents drawn up.

And if they can’t figure out how that part of their lives should work, they’ve got a bigger job: getting to a point where they can agree.

Books could be and have been written about this, but I’m calling it a day.

Somewhat-related posts:

• “Our Vocational Calling” Guest post: Fr. Mark Botzet (June 20, 2026)
  • Disciples, Then and Now
  • “Do Not be Afraid”
• “Polygamy, Adultery, and Polyamory (still) Prohibited” (November 25, 2025)
• “COVID-19, Mass and Marriage: It’s Not All About Me” (March 16, 2021)
  • Sex and Feelings, Marriage and Me — Briefly
    • Emotion Happens, Thought is an Option
• “‘Renewed and Expansive Hope’” (June 18, 2017)
  • Seven Sins
  • Tradition and Nostalgia
  • Moving Forward

Catholic marriage, a little background:

• USCCB (United States Conference of Catholic Bishops)
  • Matrimony
  • Wedding Ceremony
    Marriage and Family Life Ministries
  • Love Beyond Words
    One-Week Retreat for Married Couples, National Marriage Week (2024)
  • Celebrating the Rite of Marriage
    Most Reverend Ronald P. Herzog, Bishop of Alexandria, Catechetical Sunday (September 19, 2010)
• Family, Marriage and ‘De Facto’ Unions
  PONTIFICAL COUNCIL FOR THE FAMILY, Pontifical Council for the Family, Vatican/Holy See (2000)
• Marriage
  Archdiocese of New York