Two tourists in Canada asked someone which city they were in. The man replied, “Saskatoon, Saskatchewan”. One of the tourists said “oh! They don’t speak English here!”
I haven’t heard that one in more than a half-century, there’s a lead-up that makes it funnier, but never mind. This week I’m talking about a place in Minnesota, and a salesman who asked for help.
Destination: Bemidji
This was back when I was working for a small publishing house here in Sauk Centre, Minnesota. I don’t remember if I was doing advertising copy and graphic design for them at the time, or was being the ‘computer guy’. Anyway —
One day I was getting (another) cup of coffee, when the receptionist/switchboard/keystone — you get the idea, and admittedly that’s my view of the company’s workings.
Anyway, this person took most of the incoming calls. And on that day, she’d taken one that was worth sharing.
A salesman, I think that was his job, had called, asking for help. He knew that Vocational Biographies, the company we worked for, was in Minnesota.
A Reasonable Question, Basically
His job involved going to a place called Bemidji, Minnesota. The trip had nothing to do with Vocational Biographies, but apparently he figured that since we were in Minnesota, we’d know about this place with the strange-sounding name.
Well, of course, we did.
Both me and the company’s keystone knew about Bemidji. It’s a fair-size town, two and a half or three hours north of here: depending on weather.
Okay, fair enough. Traveling to a place you haven’t been to before, getting informed about regional conditions. The salesman was making sense.
Remember: this was before everybody carried little cigarette-case-sized gizmos they could use to look up anything from Bemidji’s current weather to the price of peanuts in Perth.1
Where was I? Someone from the civilized lands making travel plans. Right.
Giving the man credit, he’d already booked a seat on a commercial airline that’d take him to Minnesota’s Twin Cities. I’m guessing the Minneapolis-Saint Paul International Airport.
So far, so good. He knew that Bemidji was north of the airport, beyond the Twin Cities metro area. And he apparently figured — or hoped — that some outfit in the Twin Cities provided rental vehicles.
He was right about that. You’ll find rental outfits in many Minnesota towns, certainly all the larger ones.
That’s not what had the company’s keystone laughing.
This man had, quite seriously, asked if he’d need an off-road/all-terrain vehicle to reach Bemidji, Minnesota.
Rentals and Regional Transportation
The answer, basically, was no.
Although folks can rent off-road vehicles, boats, trailers, campers, and log splitters around these parts; we’ve got paved roads connecting pretty much every town and village. And did, back when he made his call.
So he could have rented a car at the airport. And, provided that he could read a road map, or ask directions along the way, driven himself to Bemidji.
Odds are that with a little checking he could have found a regional airline flight to the Bemidji Airport and rented a car there. Or chartered with Bemidji Airlines. Both of which were up and running by the time he called, and had been for decades.2
Routes and Decisions
But, again, I’m giving the man credit for thinking ahead.
I’d have been a bit more impressed if he’d asked which route was best.
Starting from the Twin Cities, I’d probably take Interstate 94 to Sauk Centre, then head north on U.S. 71. But that’s mainly because I live in Sauk Centre, and know the roads around this town.
But if I was driving, and wanted to go the more direct route, I’d take the Interstate to Monticello, then jog over to U.S. 10 and head north. That’d take about four hours, and is what a query that used Google Maps told me. The same query told me I could spend $188 and fly there, airport-to-airport, in an hour.
Taking a more scenic and cultural route — which no salesman in his right mind would do, unless he’d already lined up another job — would involve leaving U.S. 10 in Little Falls.
The Minnesota Fishing Museum and Hall of Fame, and a bunch of other places are there: more than enough to take up a day or so. Definitely “or so”: for me, at least, or someone like me.
Then Minnesota Highway 371, heading north, goes to Bemidji: by way of places you’ll never hear of if you don’t live there.3 Which is probably true of many ‘vacation spots’.
Deep in the Heart of Darkest Minnesota —
So: what, if anything, is the point of all this?
For one thing, I’m on the same page as our former employer’s keystone: I think that asking if someone would need an off-road vehicle to reach Bemidji was funny. For another: it’s been a while since I’ve talked about life here: deep in the heart of darkest Minnesota.
Perceptions and Living in Minnesota
First of all, Sauk Centre, Minnesota, is not New York City. And Minnesota is not much like Hawaii.
To this day, I regret not clipping and saving a headline from my youth: “Minnesota National Guard Arctic Maneuvers Canceled Due to Inclement Weather”. It’s not among my major regrets, and that’s another topic.
I don’t know why that particular cancellation made headlines. It’s something that happens now and then: and I think shows more about Minnesota’s weather than it does about National Guard preparedness. Sometimes, during winter, the smart thing is to stay inside and wait until it’s safe to bring out the heavy equipment.
Even if I could afford living in a major city like New York or Chicago, I’d prefer living here in Sauk Centre. I figure there are folks who’d rather live in either of those urban centers, than here: where we don’t even have a Starbucks.
But over the decades, I’ve gotten the impression that folks living out here in the vastness between the coasts know a lot more about places like New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, and Seattle, then folks living there know about our areas.
That’s inevitable: for the same reasons that wildfires near Los Angeles were national news, and wildfires in Minnesota’s Arrowhead region aren’t.
An Impression, and Something to Remember
I would, however, prefer not having also gotten the impression that a fair fraction of folks, when they think of us at all, imagine that we’re in a retroworld: inhabiting atavistic realms that — aren’t quite right.
“…Without knowing why, one hesitates to ask directions from the gnarled, solitary figures spied now and then on crumbling doorsteps or on the sloping, rock-strown meadows….”
(“The Dunwich Horror” , H. P. Lovecraft (1928, published in Weird Tales 18929))
Sure, nobody’s going to imagine the Lovecraft was writing travelogues. But like I said: I have gotten the impression that a non-trivial fraction of my fellow-Americans profoundly don’t understand what life is like, out here in the boonies.
As for me, having lived both here and on the west coast: I love it here, and try to remember that urbanites are not like the stock characters I’ve seen on screen. Not those I’ve known, at any rate.
I’ve talked about attitudes, assumptions, and realities, before:
- “A Skunk, a Woodpile, Dynamite, and Rural Kids”
(February 22, 2025) - “BART Drivers and the Importance of Being Human”
(February 8, 2025) - “Principles, Priorities, Politics: and Being Catholic”
(September 21, 2024) - “Truth, Beauty, and the Evening News”
(June 15, 2024) - “Doom, Gloom, and Dystopias: But Hope is an Option”
(January 20, 2024 )
1 A town in Minnesota, and Perth’s peanuts:
- Wikipedia
- And yes, I priced peanuts in Perth (didn’t veryify, though)
- Sweet Chilli Peanuts 150gms, Perth Brittle Company
- VPC Luxury Nuts Roasted Peanuts 100g, The Gourmet Pantry
2 Transportation and all that:
- Wikipedia
- Rental services
- Centre Rental Inc.; sewer snakes to log splitters; Sauk Centre, Minnesota
- “Prososki All Care Services; Pine River, Minnesota
3 Exotic locations and sites mentioned in this week’s post:
- Wikipedia
- Menahga, Minnesota
- Minneapolis-Saint Paul (AKA the Twin Cities, the Metro)
- Minneapolis-Saint Paul International Airport
- Minnesota
- Minnesota State Highway 371
- Sebeka, Minnesota
- U.S. Route 71 (AKA Highway 71)
- Museums & Historical Sites linked from LittleFallsMN.com
- Charles Lindbergh House and Museum
- Fishing Museum and Hall of Fame, Little Falls, MN
- Minnesota Military & Veterans Museum on ExploreMinnesota.com
- Minneapolis-Saint Paul International Airport to Bemidji, Minnesota 56601
Google Maps
I don’t know if I’ve told you this before, but you’re pretty much the one I’ve consulted the most so far when it comes to learning about Minnesota, Mister Gill, and I’m glad that you have passion and skill in talking about the ups and downs of living there, and I say this even though I don’t see myself settling down there.
😀 I don’t remember you mentioning that before – glad to be an information resource for my home state!
I like it here, but then: I grew up in the Red River Valley of the North – about two-three hours northwest of Sauk Centre – so for me this is ‘down south’. There’s a story — anecdote, really — about someone who came to work in my old home town: arrived on a lovely autumn day, and left before winter was over. Can’t say I blame him: even for us locals, it gets chilly that time of year.