{"id":10203,"date":"2026-07-25T00:01:00","date_gmt":"2026-07-25T00:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/?p=10203"},"modified":"2026-07-25T02:23:10","modified_gmt":"2026-07-25T02:23:10","slug":"married-is-married","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/married-is-married\/","title":{"rendered":"Married is Married"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/M6yxxbWMKzk?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This is going to be another comparatively-short one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Today I&#8217;m focusing on part of another step in those family property\/estate\/whatever arrangements I mentioned last week.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Or, rather, on something that came up during the process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But first, a little background.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I wasn&#8217;t a Catholic when my wife and I got married. That added a few steps, mainly involving making sure that I understood what being married meant.<sup><a href=\"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/married-is-married\/\/1\">1<\/a><\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The priest we talked to asked me \u2014 it&#8217;s been decades, so this is a heavy paraphrase.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He asked me if I thought marriage was exclusive and permanent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">To me, it sounded like a trick question. I figured that when I married her, we&#8217;d be married: until one or the other or both died, and that while we were married I wouldn&#8217;t act as if I was a husband\/boyfriend\/whatever with anyone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Turns out that the question was just what it sounded like. I explained, briefly for me, that I thought being married was being <strong><em>married<\/em><\/strong>: that I&#8217;d be exclusively and permanently my wife&#8217;s husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Fast-forward several decades. My wife and I are still married, and I still think being married means being <strong><em>married<\/em><\/strong>. That&#8217;s no virtue on my part. From my viewpoint, it just makes sense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><a name=\"priorities\"><\/a>Priorities<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This week, the law firm that&#8217;s writing the document(s) needed for those arrangements sent us an &#8220;estate planning engagement agreement&#8221;. One paragraph started like this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8220;&#8230;<strong>Dual Representation.<\/strong> Married spouses may, at times, have different heeds, objectives and interests for their estate plans. As a result, there may be a conflict of interest in our firm representing both of you&#8230;.&#8221;<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Okay, I get it. Being married doesn&#8217;t guarantee being on the same page with finances, which flavor of ice cream is best, or anything else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But with something like this, if spouses don&#8217;t agree on how their family&#8217;s finances should work \u2014 their first job is figuring out what will work, and <strong><em>then<\/em><\/strong> getting the documents drawn up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And if they can&#8217;t figure out how that part of their lives should work, they&#8217;ve got a bigger job: getting to a point where they can agree.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Books could be and have been written about this, but I&#8217;m calling it a day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Somewhat-related posts:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>&#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/our-vocational-calling\/\"><strong>Our Vocational Calling<\/strong><\/a>&#8221; Guest post: Fr. Mark Botzet (June 20, 2026)\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/our-vocational-calling\/#disciples\">Disciples, Then and Now<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/our-vocational-calling\/#afraid\">&#8220;Do Not be Afraid&#8221;<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>&#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/polygamy-adultery-and-polyamory-still-prohibited\/\"><strong>Polygamy, Adultery, and Polyamory (still) Prohibited<\/strong><\/a>&#8221; (November 25, 2025)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>&#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/covid-19-mass-and-marriage-its-not-all-about-me\/\"><strong>COVID-19, Mass and Marriage: It&#8217;s Not All About Me<\/strong><\/a>&#8221; (March 16, 2021)\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/covid-19-mass-and-marriage-its-not-all-about-me\/#sex\">Sex and Feelings, Marriage and Me \u2014 Briefly<\/a>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/covid-19-mass-and-marriage-its-not-all-about-me\/#emotion\">Emotion Happens, Thought is an Option<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>&#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/renewed-and-expansive-hope\/\"><strong>&#8216;Renewed and Expansive Hope&#8217;<\/strong><\/a>&#8221; (June 18, 2017)\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/renewed-and-expansive-hope\/#seven\">Seven Sins<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/renewed-and-expansive-hope\/#tradition\">Tradition and Nostalgia<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/renewed-and-expansive-hope\/#moving\">Moving Forward<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-text-color has-black-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-black-background-color has-background is-style-wide\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><sup><a name=\"1\"><\/a><\/sup> Catholic marriage, a little background:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>USCCB (United States Conference of Catholic Bishops)\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.usccb.org\/prayer-and-worship\/sacraments-and-sacramentals\/matrimony\">Matrimony<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.usccb.org\/topics\/marriage-and-family-life-ministries\/wedding-ceremony\">Wedding Ceremony<\/a><br>Marriage and Family Life Ministries<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.usccb.org\/resources\/2024%20National%20Marriage%20Week%20FINAL.pdf\">Love Beyond Words<\/a><br>One-Week Retreat for Married Couples, National Marriage Week (2024)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.usccb.org\/resources\/teaching-aids-herzog2_0.pdf\">Celebrating the Rite of Marriage<\/a><br>Most Reverend Ronald P. Herzog, Bishop of Alexandria, Catechetical Sunday (September 19, 2010)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.vatican.va\/roman_curia\/pontifical_councils\/family\/documents\/rc_pc_family_doc_20001109_de-facto-unions_en.html\">Family, Marriage and &#8216;De Facto&#8217; Unions<\/a><br>PONTIFICAL COUNCIL FOR THE FAMILY, Pontifical Council for the Family, Vatican\/Holy See (2000)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.archny.org\/marriage\">Marriage<\/a><br>Archdiocese of New York<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This is going to be another comparatively-short one. Today I&#8217;m focusing on part of another step in those family property\/estate\/whatever arrangements I mentioned last week. Or, rather, on something that came up during the process. But first, a little background. &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/married-is-married\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"How, as a convert to Catholicism, I see marriage; a brief and personal look: starting with what a priest asked me.","jetpack_seo_html_title":"Married is Married","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[215,239,192,209],"tags":[84,220],"class_list":["post-10203","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-being-catholic","category-family-stories","category-journal","category-series","tag-family","tag-marriage"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7Dwtw-2Ez","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10203","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10203"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10203\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10207,"href":"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10203\/revisions\/10207"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10203"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10203"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brendans-island.com\/catholic-citizen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10203"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}